Friday, April 30, 2004
i screwed up my econs paper three today. even saying it was screwed up would be an understatment. i think i would be expecting a perfect score of zero for it, no doubt on it. gosh. after days of mugging for that stupid paper and the end result had to be this.
i spent all my bloodshed on production and cost, esp. economics and diseconomies of scale but yet it didnt come out (when the teacher even pinpoint that it was important and frequently asked). then i spent majority of my sweat on NI accounting, yet not even the slightest part of it came out. what came out instead was the multipler, which i knew from head to toe, front to back but didn't have time to write it (if u consider 10 secs time). the MRP theory which i only managed to write a tiny bit of it as my hands were about to break. the end result was a lack of supply of blood to the blood vessels aroung my hand, i can almost swear that it was causing my hand uncessingly pain. gosh. its really a harm to my poor hand, econs paper that is.
a torture to my brain. a waste of my good old brain cells.
lee needed you at 30.4.04
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Thursday, April 22, 2004
econs lecture has now taken on a new insight now, since this time the lecturer is none other than the famous ms ah-mee-nah. stupid things that you have never seen students done before can be witnessed in her lecture, or should i say even before it.
there is this one thing i was shocked, even more shocked when i had to resort to doing. Booking seats for a lecture, rushing down to lecture while taking two steps at a time down the stairs, and making sure that we do not come in after her. lecture doesn't always start exactly on time, actually it start about 5-10 mins before the stated time. so even coming on time is considered late. Till now, i still can not imagine myself rushing for lecture, esp since it is econs so as not to be caught sitting the last row if not life will be hell, and sometimes actually to the extent of booking seats for a lecture??!!! but then u realise that everyone is doing the same thing, and when you think you are super early, you see all the books, bags and what-nots indicating even more kiasu people that come way ahead of you. and the reason for this? For a stupid 1 hr econs lecture. This is wht i call insanity.
just a few days ago, i sort of broke down in front of a teacher. i don't know why, but i guess emotions took control over me. i was like at a loss of what to do, before i knew it tears were starting to roll down my cheecks. gosh. i must have looked stupid, sound stupid..whatever. i said some stuff that i said out of anger, out of totally nowhere. i didnt consider the other person feelings, and i heard after i sort of blurted out all the stuff in a rather crude and harsh way, she cried too. i still can't get over this thing. i fell bad making a person day like shit, and just because i said some stuff out of spite. i even crossed the line between a teacher and a friend. i did things without thinking again. i totally screwed up that day. and although she isn't exactly a great teacher, i still think the thought of her and the feelings she must have felt made me guilty enough. But well, no use thinking about it, its all over now...
yes. guilt. it cause a lot of your emotions in your heart. i fell guilty over a lot of things, and it must have affected other people too, though sometimes i may not realise it. results are one thing, as emphasised by many teachers, they are the most important thing to us now. even BGR is not encouraged. gosh. why do so many teacher claim that when my own dad is a lecturer and he doesn't mind m with my boyfriend. it is all rubbish. things like spend too much time with your boyfriend, thinking too much bout him will result in lesser time to study and so a drop in results. it is all crap. don't they realise that they are couples who do exceptionally well. and must i add on that a boyfriend will never ever take the place of any normal person.
i must say that i feel rather touched that my boyfriend has actually quited his job because of me. at least i can say, he's a real good guy to me. his old job was probably taking up too much time, with the working hours like around 12. and though he really likes the job and wishes to carry on, he still quits it when he ask his boss for earlier days but it was rejected, so he choose to quit. he evn came over to my house to see how's my preparation with the coming exams and so on...
at least now i can clear many misunderstandings about him, about both of us. its all these small little misunderstandings that cause a break in relationship, but well, it is still true to an extent that guys will never understand girls and girls can't understand guys too.
lee needed you at 22.4.04
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