Sunday, May 30, 2004
i can't believe this: i have school tomorrow. till 5 somemore. what rubbish!
lee needed you at 30.5.04
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Sunday, May 23, 2004
Which band instrument are you? brought to you by Quizilla
lee needed you at 23.5.04
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Saturday, May 22, 2004
You're the super-slacker!! Homework?
What's that? Studying? Not in your vocabulary.
You hardly study and almost never do your work
and yet, by some divine intervention, you're
still surviving. And you come to school so
un-often, your teachers have pratically
forgotten that you even exist. Go, you slacker,
you!!
Which Stereotypical Singaporean Student Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
lee needed you at 22.5.04
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Thursday, May 20, 2004
yesterday was the school's annual sports day. it was rather fun...surprisingly. i thought that i would be bored to death watching people run...but all that cheering and just being with my old class was fun enough. it was beeter than expected. Canberra didn't get the champion or whatever...but i thought the spirit was there nevertheless. actually just sitting watching people run was tiring and hot too. i didn't realise that i was so damn tired till i reached home.
Nevertheless, it was still a day well-spent. after the sports day ended, me, kutu, mx and xpr went for dinner together. we actually wanted to celebrate stingray's birthday but that girl pon school. then kat got stolen away by her right-hand man...so that's left with four of us. but we still had fun...just talking, bitching, gossiping and having dinner together. it was just like the old times we had together (hey people...we must do that more often!) it just reminds me how much i missed my old class...the days i had last year with my old class were fun. so fun. i really missed last year. i really do. all the fun we had together...i will never forgot those times.
then today i went to school and faced my same boring class. for today, i went to school exceptionally early. i went into class and sat at the back of the class. people walked into the class one by one, but no one seem to greet each other with a simple 'hi'or good morning. not even a smile. everyone just walked into class, put down their bages and went about doing their own things. no one seem to care about other people, save for the person sitting next to them. i mean i don't mean to complain or bitch or whatever, but i mean aren't we are class? a class doesn't consists of only you and your good friend. no one seem to bother. then when the teacher asked whether everyone was there during the sports day...everyone said that they saw everyone and they sat together. then i guess the teacher must have known that i wasn't in the same house with them and probably sense that i didn't sit with them...so i was asked: how about you, felicia?" i wasn't exactly in a very good mood...but i just replied her...yeah i went... i sat with my ex-class. i guess the class just didn't care the very least about my existence. they talk to me in class because no matter what, i mean still in their class and sometimes they asked about school stuff. but other than that, there is no fun or joy in the class anyone...which makes matters worse cos school is boring enough. coming to school, facing a boring class is getting the hell out of me. maybe i just don't fit in with the culture and stuff and i don't intend to, its just not so me. i used to be a very noisy, crazy and happy girl last year with my old class. Now...i have changed to this quiet, depressed girl who dreads every minute in school. last time i came to school looking forward to the times i would have with my friends...at least that's something to look forward to. but now...i have nothing but boring lectures and a pile of homework to face. the environment of the class isn't helping either.
i mean its not that i am too quiet or too shy or whatever. its just that there's really nothing to talk with people in my class now. all i talked with them is, as far as i can remember...is about school stuff. eg. u did your tut so and so already? hand in your so and so already? once in a blue moon, some crap. its not that i am not putting in the effort. i really am trying. but its just that...its not working. i guess i really can't change anything.
at the start of the year...when i just joined my new class...my old classmates would ask me when i bump into them at school: so how's your present class? then sometimes when i meet the guys from my previous class...though i am not that close to them, they would say hi to me with a smile on their face...sometimes they would ask: so how are you? that's why i just like them...they make me feel so welcomed....so at ease with myself...so like the old me. then when i see my close friends...i just feel an unexplainable attachment to them. sometimes just seeing them makes me forget about the boring class i have.
i don't know....i guess its only me feeling this way or whatever. one of my classmates also shared with me... feeling the class is boring too (and i didn't realise we felt the same way).
i just don't know. hope tomorrow is a better day..
lee needed you at 20.5.04
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Monday, May 17, 2004
yay. my computer's finally in its proper shape. after being struck down by the sasser worm and the agobot worm virus, both of which are deadly to my computer, i have finally killed it! (with the help of sooty of course...thanks so much). Now, after not being online for the past few days, i have decided.....to be online for the whole night till i fall asleep....
that's bad actually...cos it means i won't get any work done.
today was bad. forgot to bring my econs file and so had to go all the way back home, get the file then took a cab down to school to hand it in, and then had to rush home for piano lesson. it was all such a big rush. all cos of that econs file...but i rather not get into any further trouble esp. with that ah-mi-nah. she's a terror..mind you. she screamed at the whole lecture group today. gosh. i was sitting there...listening to her but not giving a hack to whatever she was saying. i mean i can't be bothered. she's just wasting time...that's all.
today on the train home (yes, my second time going home from school), there was this couple sitting just opposite me. usually i am not a K.P.O when it comes to such things, but this particular couple just caught a my attention. they are are FAT couple, mind you. DISGUISTINGLY FAT. throughout my whole journey home, they were actually touching such other DISGUISTINGLY. the guy has his hands aroung the girl's chest. yucks. and i can actually see the fats spilling out of the girls's short miniskirt. i mean, if you don't have the figure, then don't wear it. it will only make you look disguisting. and she was also wearing a tube top...it was super low...and i couldn't help but notice that half of her chest was visible. gosh. what a disgrace to womankind. i really feel like telling her: please go and endose for a slimming centre to slim down, but before you do that, please for heaven's sake wear proper clothes fit for you. i mean i am not bad, but seeing such sights really spoil your day, esp. when you had to go home to take a stupid file and go all the way back again and the distance from my home to school isn't exactly that near.
tomorrow's school again. not really looking forward to school nowadays. its just plain boring.
i hate it.
lee needed you at 17.5.04
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Friday, May 14, 2004
the lastest news about econs: Out of the whole cohort taking econs, less than 10 pass. this is truly amazing. it also serves as a warning for those taking econs not to take it anymore! or don't even dream for taking up the subject.
my dream of getting 3 Fs is sort of coming true. i have already got a F for maths and since the probability of me passing econs is almost a 0.0000000001 percent, i can just imagine me getting a F already, without actually seeing all 3 papers. then music is another curse, it is another area which i can label as an F subject.
Jus a thought: maybe i should imagine and dream of getting 3 As? then maybe my dream won't turn into a nightmare...
at least i didnt get the lowest for maths...or the second last...or the third last...but i still don't count it as an achievement. I want to be the TOP!
impossible? of course to me...its impossible...so much for saying that the impossible happens. so much for saying that dreams will come true someday...they never do. there are no miracles in life. none at all. only hard work and sweat.
the school is getting from bad to worse...not surprising at all. Now, they want to have sports day in the afternoon from 3-6 p.m when the temperature is the highest. and they are supposedly eager to have lessons in the morning...since according to them, a morning without lessons is a wasteful thing. also, during the first two weeks of the June holidays...when people are relaxing away...we would still have to go to this bloody school for lessons...which is like any normal timetable.
the school is planning more new programs...trying their very best to squeeze out their brain juices to think of what they call more 'innovative'. their lastest invention of programs....the 'eat-with-your-family day'. it is a day when students, that is us are released early...actually it is lastest by 5.10pm (which makes you wonder how early it is)...and so we are encouraged to go home to eat with our families...to call our relatives, brothers and sisters and parents home for dinner. this is so we can build up better bonds within the family and have better family ties..an imporatnt aspect (according to them)
when i first got the paper stating this new program of theirs...i was like what the hell...
firstly...5.10p.m is not early at all. are they nuts?
secondly...i don't need a day to build up family bonds over dinner. what utter rubbish. do they seriously think that a few hours over dinner can help build a crumpling family together and possibly build stronger ties? As for me, i eat dinner with my family everyday..we laugh we chat about everything and anything. its already a normal day to day thing. so there's nothing special about the dinner. actually..its just some lame person who could not come up with any special program and trying very hard to, deicides to name a day, a normal day, a 'eat-with-your-family day'. so much for the emphasis on creativity by the government nowadays. so much for teaching creative thinking.
i don't know. this is just one weird school that comes up with weird programs...
lee needed you at 14.5.04
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Sunday, May 09, 2004
regrets? do you have any?
in secondary school, while seeing all my friends getting attached and stuff, holding their boyfriend's hand while walking down the streets and having someone to pick them up and sent them home.........it was then that i dreamt of meeting 'The One.' And so young and innocent i was, i dreamt of my knight shinning prince. thinking back to those times, i felt i was so stupid...i mean is there really a knight in shinning armour waiting for you somewhere? all these were my formal regrets, and so when i finally found him, went out with him several times, i thought he was The One for me, and so yeah. the rest is history.
i thought that my life would be prefect, after all i thought he was what i wanted all in the world. but i was wrong.
this regret, though fulfilled by just this, turned to more regrets. regrets that now, can't even be fixed and turned into dreams.
i thought that he was the world to me, he was everything. how foolish i was. so rubbish. so along that came the failing grades and other things that i never accomplished. all throughout that period, i thought that having him was enough, i spend lots of time out with him, ignoring many other things. and also at the expense of my grades.
last year's promos was disastrous enough. i vowed to mend my ways, to study harder.
but none happened, instead i was still 'obsessed' with him. and so when tomorrow comes, and the mid-yr exams are to be released. i have one more regret to add on to the list.
i finally broke with him. and i cried. how stupid can that be?
movies and books about love are all rubbish, they never happen in real life. now my life's in a mess. this yr's my A levels, and with such terrible results still, i think the only place for me is on the streets, sweeping the roads. serious. and this yr's my diploma piano exams too, and with my less than satisfactory performance, i wonder how i can score the distinction that i wanted so badly. all these came about with the battle with rlelationship, the wasteful time spent on it, this is then my regret.
Now my dad wants me to try for Yong Siew Toh conservatory of music. and with the current state i am in, no one in the right mind would accept me. serious. and you knw what the best thing is, i am under the pressure to perform, to do well. but nobody understands what i am going through. they only care about your results.
it cannot be denied that Singapore is a 'paper-chase' society. people now eye at your qualifications. so what if you have a bachelor degree? i have a master's or a doctor degree. it is because of this that parents start comparing their child's results, and the best thing is they are always never satisfied with their child's performance.
there are many different kinds of families in the world. and mine just so happened to fall into this category. blame it that my dad's a lecturer and expect a lot. but i guess i have no other choice.
i just have to bear with him. and get all thoughts of him away from my mind. then i think i will achieve lots of stuff and feel happy after all these years, without a guy.
lee needed you at 9.5.04
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Friday, May 07, 2004
i just typed a whole new stuff and it just disappeared.
argh. so pissed now.
lee needed you at 7.5.04
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Wednesday, May 05, 2004
to say today's music paper went fine would be, without any doubt, a big fat lie. i only say that to my parents when they asked me how did my paper went, so as to avoid further questioning. the paper itself was a big screwed up. it was rather easy i thought, but i just so happen to screw it up. it would be managable i thought, if the aircon wasn't that cold and my hands were not already frozen, not forgetting my whole body was almost freezing. ok, fine i am blaming everything else except myself...but come to think of it, if it wasn't so bloody cold, and my fingers were not so cold, numb and stiff, i would have wrote faster. yes...and that contributes to the time factor. and that was what i needed most then.
for the listening section, it was again totally screwed. a section would be played and you would have to answer some questions and then guess the composer and the work. and you know what, i couldn't identity the work because i didn't expect the work to come out at all. so i was guessing along the line of those composers i was thinking would most likely come out. and you know what, i have 4 recordings of that work at home, and its so bloody famous. shit man. so much for spotting.
if not, if i never spotted and if i never have limited the scope for guessing, i would have guess it. and it sounds so familar when i first heard it. gosh. really how stupid can i get? its by Beethoven, and one of my famous composers somemore and i listen to his work, play his pieces and can't even guess a simple portion of his work. and i thought it wouldn't be included in the syllabus for listening.
gosh. what the hell?
lee needed you at 5.5.04
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