Sunday, August 29, 2004
teacher's day is coming and i don't know what to get for my teachers. maybe i am not even going to bother giving them anything. i mean i just don't see a point giving teachers anything. but then maybe i will be giving my current piano teacher and my former piano teacher presents. i think they are real nice people and good teachers too. and also, i am quite guilty because i haven't given them anything. so far.
i am now having a self-declared break from work. i am feeling so sian of everything. my life, work, my studies, my piano, basically everything. maybe i have just reached my point on the law of diminshing returns ( some econs concept better off not knowing). the best thing is, there's not enough time to study everything, and so my last way is to spot question and topics, a lesson i haven't learnt since promo exams. if i am lucky, i will spot correctly, but hopefully can finish all. but econs itself is a killer, and i dread studying it. once i swear to myself, when A levels are over, i am going to throw away all my econs facts into the endless sky. that's how much i dislike econs. it brings nothing but pain to my life.
well, better stop complaining or whining or whatever. next week, although its supposed to be the practical exam week, we poor arts students do no have a break, at least a short study break. i am now considering to take my own self-declared study break and anyway my dad will approve of it anyway. so if i never come school any day next week, you guys know why then.
today was a typical sunday. woke up late, had a hurried lunch and went to church. it was gospel sunday today and there was this message in dialect and translated to english by this interpreter. he was damn good-looking i tell you. all of us girls were like so over our heels with him. anyway after church me and the girls had our small mini girls talk, something which i think all guys dislike about us. but i think stuff like this really bonds us together. anyway, we were just talking about guys (duh!) or rather the lack of having a nice sweet guy to dote on us in our life. sarah's secret probably triggered this. haha. anyway back to the point, i seriously don't mind being single. imean i love the freedom i have and i would never exchange it for anything, even a guy. but then, all guys are lousy and the few who fall into the sweet and caring category are already taken. anyway which guy in the right mind would fall for me?
this reminds me of my crushes i had. my lastest one was like a month ago. it wasn't a secret at all because i could not conatain it and kept telling my friends. anyway he told me that its was impossible between the both of us. and i didn't cry, i just felt upset. that's when i realised i don't really like him. its just a stupid crush. but then i think i am still not over him yet, a little crush but then i don't why too, that day i saw him with a girl talking so happily, i just got jealous. this is stupid. but i don't think of him. so does it make it a crush? the last time i really cried was when i broke up, i cried over the phone to him and then cried myself to sleep. the next day was maths paper and needless to say, i screwed it up. but anyway i don't think i will very cry for a guy ever again bacause i probably will still be single.
i was just talking online to one of my friend. he just broke up and i could really sense that he was so sad over it. and then i didn't know how to cheer him up. just said cheer up and stuff. anyway i think he's a real good guy and i can sense he really likes the girl a lot. well, at least i provide a listening ear. hope he will feel better soon.
lee needed you at 29.8.04
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Friday, August 27, 2004
Is life ever fair?
its not. trust me. that's why i hate life. its never fair.
and i hate him too. he even rejected the nice testimonal i wrote for him in friendster. now that's something new, why reject my testimonal. its not about rejecting it, it just shows how much of friendship i still have in his heart. you ask me to promise you that we will still be friends. yeah rite, listen to this....my foot man. once you get a new girl, friends we were never be anymore. i seriously don't mind. you think i am grieving over you. get a life man, why would i grieve over a stupid useless guy like you. i have all that i want in the world and i am contended with what i have now. Don't ever come banging into my door and asking to be friends with me again. never, i will say. you are already out of my mind. i hope i will never get the chance to bump into you in any part of singapore.
i believe in retribution. he screwed up my life, hurt my feelings and now he's enjoying himself with his new found girlfriend. am i jealous? no i am not. there are so many guys out there, and he's just a pathetic guy. there he is having the time of his life, enjoying his life with whichever girl but here i am, suffering under the education system. you know what my mummy said, she said even if he is having a good lufe now and i am suffering with all the exams and work, esp. my piano exam and A level. in the end, i will get a better life than him. with good results, i can get into a good university. with good qualifications, i will get a good job that pay big bucks. and then all the guys will come chasing after me. hahaha....as if. whatever...
lee needed you at 27.8.04
Is life ever fair?
its not. trust me. that's why i hate life. its never fair.
and i hate him too. he even rejected the nice testimonal i wrote for him in friendster. now that's something new, why reject my testimonal. its not about rejecting it, it just shows how much of friendship i still have in his heart. you ask me to promise you that we will still be friends. yeah rite, listen to this....my foot man. once you get a new girl, friends we were never be anymore. i seriously don't mind. you think i am grieving over you. get a life man, why would i grieve over a stupid useless guy like you. i have all that i want in the world and i am contended with what i have now. Don't ever come banging into my door and asking to be friends with me again. never, i will say. you are already out of my mind. i hope i will never get the chance to bump into you in any part of singapore.
i believe in retribution. he screwed up my life, hurt my feelings and now he's enjoying himself with his new found girlfriend. am i jealous? no i am not. there are so many guys out there, and he's just a pathetic guy. there he is having the time of his life, enjoying his life with whichever girl but here i am, suffering under the education system. you know what my mummy said, she said even if he is having a good lufe now and i am suffering with all the exams and work, esp. my piano exam and A level. in the end, i will get a better life than him. with good results, i can get into a good university. with good qualifications, i will get a good job that pay big bucks. and then all the guys will come chasing after me. hahaha....as if. whatever...
lee needed you at 27.8.04
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Saturday, August 21, 2004
i am 18 today. finally.
i love my birthdays, every birthday is special to me. its just an undesirable feeling that i have every year without fail. this year, without fail i enjoyed my birthday. thanks to all the people who made my day a special and the best day ever. i know i am getting old and as eugene kindly puts it, i am one day closer to my grave.
thanks to all my church friends, the girls especially. you all were great company tonight. i love all of you. the cake, the laughter, the funny silly jokes and just being around with you all, it really made my day though you may not have realised. i know it was stupid with me trying to blow a candle and i couldn't. i didnt know why too. silly me. and happy birthday too, sharon. i love you all the same. thanks for the flowers and card.
to my best friends, you all know who you are. prelims are here and its alright that you all can't celebrate my birthday with me today. we will surely go out together agiain after all our prelims end. thanks for the birthday wishes and i am looking forward to my present. haha. till then, study hard. i know we are can make it. we just have to study much harder and try our best.
to all my other friends who wished me happy birthday. i appreciate them a lot.
its back to syudying after this weekend. i hate studying but what to do. everyone around me seemed to be studying so hard, its time for me to do something. books, lecture notes, tys, here i come...
lee needed you at 21.8.04
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Friday, August 20, 2004
i feel so disgusted. i just want to puke.
thanks to the advancement in technology that comes about with the all new efficient internet, i managed to discover some truth, truth that i would rather not know for eternity. i went on friendster after so many weeks, and what i found was horrifying. i love seeing photos, other people's photos so i went to look at some photos and then...i saw a very normal photo, a guy and a girl together (one look you know they are a couple). i didn't pay much attention to it, but something just caught my eye. to my horror, that guy was my ex-boyfriend.
i don't want to continue anymore. its my birthday tomorrow. and besides, everything's over between the both of us. i took some time to get over our breakup, hard though it be, i eventually did, yet things like this just had to hurt me again. and thanks to effectiveness of friendster, i found his now girlfriend under his list of friends, took a look at the testimonals. and as expected, there was one from him. it goes like this (be prepared though, even to you it may seem disguisting, much less me)......
i ToT i LoSt ALL HoPeS BuT EnDed Up HoPe L3t Me FoUnD U. . . . .My LOviN EnDeaRinG DeArEst BeLov3d LaO Po, JeLaiNe...i am so so so.....(indescribable feeling..overwhelming emotions) that i got her by my side...dear dear...u are the sweetest thing that happen to me so much so nutin even comes close and ll stay etched in my heart for a long long time...even thou it's just has been a little while..i truly enjoyed all the days and times i spent with u...u are far more better than i ever imagine u to be..sry to disappoint other guys..i got the greatest girl in the world already...your silly cute wide smile,that two tooth of urs that's sticking out, your lovely eyes, your sweet mouth and everything of you..u warmed my heart with your caring ways, u touched my love with your loving gaze,you set my my heart ablaze wif all your little things leaving me with a sweet taste..time's been short but let our love go on forever..cos i love u i love u i love u i love u!!(,"
he said the time thing to me too, something to that extent. but actually behind my back, he liked another girl, and it was only through finding his journal, hacking to it that i realised the horrible truth. when we broke out, he even got the cheeck to tell me, that he would not have another girlfriend or be attached to a girl in the next few years, because he has hurt too many girls already and he felt that he shouldn't go on like this.
bullshit. a few months or weeks after our breakup, he's with another girl now, and god-noes how many other girls he's having affairs with. my pity goes out to the girl. guys, they are just horrible creatures, they say one thing but mean other thing in their heart. you know what, its so easy to say i love you to a girl, but does your heart even agree with what you say. its true that you can shower her with gifts and presents, but is she even in your heart in the first place. do you really love her, in your heart?
i should even have found out this truth, now that i know, i don't know how to react. does it affect? it does actually, in a way. when we broke up, he told me to forget about him, to continue with my life. i thought he still cared about me. but now i realised, that's because he wants another girl. and that's so kind of you. he didn't even told me about her, even though we do still talk on msn. what the hack, i was still considering buying him a birthday presnt since his birthday is just two days before mine. i even wanted to buy him a quicksilver shirt, almost about to buy it too. luckily i haven't yet. thanks goodness. anyway he didn't even buy me anything for my birthday, just wish me happy birthday. but then again, words are so easy to say, people might not mean it, and what's more, it through the msn. you can even talk to strangers on the msn.
i feel so disgusted. really i am. i have no mood anymore, one day before my birthday, and things turn out like this. my whole birthday is ruined. he screwed up my life last time, i recovered and went ahead with my life. and so now there's no way that he can ever screw up my life again. i have decided, i am not even talking to him anymore, in any form of communication. that's the best way i can think of. come to think about it, i actually felt like asking him out, perhaps as a form of celebrating both our birthdays, and also to encourage him cos apparently he's like quite stressed with many projects. am i being too soft-hearted? i think so too. my prelims and piano exams are coming, i can't let this kind of things affect me anymore. like what my friends said, why bothering about such kind of guys, they are not worth it, there are much better guys out there. but i am determine not to let anyone( esp. him) ruined my life anymore. all those things were in the past. the past is gone.
i need a good sleep now. and i hope i will wake up, with all these gone from my mind.
lee needed you at 20.8.04
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Saturday, August 14, 2004
today's maths test made me realise how much practice i have been lacking. perhaps its cos all my friends around me has been working so hard, yet i have been slacking. one of my friends work her way for the whole night, not even a single rest at all. and the best part is....she's not even taking any so-called major exams. and as for felikitty, she hasn't done any thing at all.
no regrets or anything i hope..but i am so going to fail this maths test. working my ass last night as not done me any good. in fact, all the last minute work has not given me any benefit but actually caused me to forget formulas. simple maths i can't do. and i don't believe i am stupid. no i am smart. i assure myself again.
but look..i haven't done any real practice on maths. i give up on econs. simple because no matter how much you study, if you don't know how to apply them, the things goes to waste too.
maybe i should do what my friend did, study for the whole night. but then again, i will give up at 1 a.m, glance at my bed, and off to dreamland. or maybe i should put in more effort, as what most teachers advice.
but this is what i have been doing. putting in effort. i hate teachers who forced you to have them an insight into your life if you never finish your work (and its not only me in my class). even things like what time you woke up and what time you slept...and surprisingly they are displeased like anwers with waking up at 11 something and forgetting what time you slept. maybe i should put in more effort, but teachers again will think you haven't put in effort.
the factor now is time. as what my bloody hell tutor says, what good is being a piano teacher, why then are u in JC? she even has the guts to ask me, so how good are you at piano.i wish to tell her, i am very good, actually i am at the diploma level. highest level ever. what stop me from telling her is, i don't want any chaotic things to happen, and i am actually a very humble person. i hate boasting. i hate people who boast and think they are so good. so i didn't. and i just told her, i am quite good at it. i got a reply, then why do you spend so much time on it, on the expense of other things. you main aim in jc is to get into uni, so what if you pass your diploma piano exams.
i want to tell her, to hell with you and your talks to me. i hate you. i hate anyone who condemns me and piano. i hate anyone who look down on me. you think its so easy, go play it yourself. do you even know how to play a fucking song. all you know is just putting on thick disguisting make up that makes you look like a freaking ghost. you look ugly. horrible. whatever. you love insulting me and my piano, you think i am not good. for that matter, i am actually very good. i am.
i spend all me nights and weekends playing the piano. aren't you jealous. all i want to do now, is do well in my other subjects too. if so, i wouldn't get insulted my any teacher, and won't be looked down upon as a lecturer's daughter but not performing up to standard.
i hate people who look down on me. its my motivation to do even better, to play the piano even better. and i will bloody hell show it to you i can. 3 As for my A levels and a distinction for my diploma piano exam.
you said you will laugh your way to your grave if i ever accomplish it. if i really do accomplish it, please jolly well laugh as much as you can all the way to your grave. if i ever become an accomplished piano teacher and get sufficiently good grades to enter unversity majoring music, i hope you are already in your grave. by then, it will be my turn to laugh.
lee needed you at 14.8.04
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Tuesday, August 10, 2004
I am so lazy to blog nowadays. so that explains why i haven't blog for so long...and today is supposedly the last day of our so-called long weekend cum holiday. very tempted to get a few more days of holidays really. the thought of no school is so good...and i seriously don't mind having so much work...just as long as i don't have to wake up so damn early in the morning, rush to school in the early morning traffic and force myself to wake up at 6:30. pure torture. so while others are complaining about the load of work we get this 4 days of holiday, i really don't mind as i can wake up at any time i like and i don't have to rush to school. then, i can slowly bathe, eat my lunch and so my stuff. and i can have plently of time to play piano. so good man...and also i don't have to drag my feet to the mrt station to take a train to yishun. and i also can go out at any time i like.
so the holidays were quite okie actually. last friday went out with my friends to celebrate huilin's birthday. it was a great time with great company...yeahs? we went to cafe cartel to eat and i ordered the grilled chicken..not that good though. and the poor birthday girl kept complaining about her uncooked steak. actually, we waited for 1 hr (which i predicted) for a place but in the end we got the sofa sets. we drag two seats over since it was too packed and this rude waiter just had to come over and say "who gave you all the permission to take two chairs here" i thought he was super rude..hope he gets fired. and he wasn't exactly that good-looking and still have the guts to be so rude. anyway we took a lot of pictures (go see them at huilin's blog), and we sang a birthday song to her, with cakes that we waited for so long again. see that happens when there is no service charge.
then the next day was sat and in the morning i was thinking whether a not to go to school for gp test. but in the end i reluctantly went and i wasn't in a very good mood. all the essay questions suxs and i was stoning throughout. i mean its supposed to be the national holidays and still we have to go back to school for test. i hate sat test, because i never seem to pass any.
my birthday's coming too...21 aug 2004 (18th birthday). for those who have no idea what to buy for me (haha)...don't worry, there's always a birthday wish.
1. a steinway grand piano (haha if you are that rich...i don't mind)
2. project shop sling bag
3. tops from topshop
4. a new heel shoe
5. a new roxy bag (since the current one is too dirty and i am too lazy to wash it)
6. roxy tops
7. a new pencil case (since its too dirty and i am too lazy to wash it again)
8. nice earrings from Accersories
lee needed you at 10.8.04
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Sunday, August 01, 2004
today was my church's 10th anniversary. it was an emotional yet unforgettable day. i reached home tired, but nevertheless happy. we presented a song to everyone there..and i was accompanying them on the piano and luckily i didn't screwed it up even though i was only called to play like last week. heeeheee..but it was a great day. the buffet dinner was surprisingly better than what i expected.]
something's wrong with my nose...its like bleeding every night. super scary. i don't know what's wrong too.....sigh.
lee needed you at 1.8.04
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