Monday, January 31, 2005
i went to quite a few blogs and the coomon thing that i read was: working life sucks like hell. life is boring. time flies and results are going to be out soon.
i know time flies. and i'm fully prepared for that day. my doom day when results are out. the rumour is that the results will be out at the end of february since the MOE pushed the education planner forward. end of february or even early march, meaning...four more weeks. damn, i really don't know what will i do that day i get my results. probably sobbing my lungs out.
and you know why would i be sobbbing till my lungs burst, maybe i will even think of ending my life. ok wait, i'm just kidding. that's beacuse i'm scared. dead scared. i'm probably going to screw the whole thing upside down.
ok. i'm just getting a bit worked out. ignore me please.
lee needed you at 31.1.05
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Sunday, January 30, 2005
There are just some things which are stuck in my head for the moment and can't seem to get out. these things may be of insignificance to youy, but for me it is utterly important.
this is a situation which i just can't figure my way out. i know what i should do, what is the right thing i should do, but well as they say, things are never so easy. i really hope to have more faith in myself, more courage to belive i can to do it, but sadly i really can't. i simply can't find a solution to whatever goes on in my head right now. and you know what, i can't even ask anyone or whatever because i really can't even bring myself to saying it out. that what i call hopeless.
......and because i just can't tell anyone, its all boiled up within me. i can't even bring myself to tell God simply for the fact that God will not approve of what i am thinking of. he will probably just shut his ears and before i confide anything in him, i will hear a big no. beacuse he's perfect and whatever goes on in my head right now is far from perfect in his sight.
feelings. i really don;t know if what i am feeling is real, or is it just an illusion. i might be deceiving myself for all i care. and that's really bad. i really don't know what to do, and so what if my feelings are real, it will probably do me no good either.
i really need to draw a line between friends, colleagues and that mr. pefect guy.
lee needed you at 30.1.05
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Saturday, January 22, 2005
i played badminton on friday! in the morning, we had a group breakfast over at macs (and yes! james treated us). i felt so bloated beacuse of the fact that i never ate breakfast anymore since i left school. it was a public holiday and i still had to work in the evening. and i missed swimming with them! shucks. anyway, after work he sent me home again and kept on apologising for always keeping me up so late due to all his endless question. yes! he asked me a lot of theory questions and asked me to help him mark his book. i should have charge him for my time. hah. but since i am not so mean, i didn't.
i have a new resolution now. i'm not going to sleep twelve hours anymore because after today's time management workshop, i realise its a total waste of time. that's like half a day and although i think i will still end up slacking around, but its better. shessh, i don't know what i'm talking about here anyway. and i have ruled out job hunting for another job long ago. i hate hunting for jobs and going for stupid interviews. right now, i've decided to relax and enjoy anything that i've got in my hands. after all, i think slacking or bumming around is still better than working for whole days for a full week. i wonder how anyone can stand that.
lee needed you at 22.1.05
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Thursday, January 20, 2005
i have just decided to change my whole bloggie. a case of total boredom i guess. hey people if you are feeling bored, slacking at home, doing nothing except eat and sleep. well then, welcome to MY life. that's basically what i do five days a week. a part of me like my new life now, quite stress-free. but a part of me still long for the school days when we people skip lectures and talk crap. now it seems that those days were like so long ago. and sometimes i can't help thinking that the future looks so bleak.
people are just weird. they don't like school, and neither do they like work. they hate exams, but they like the fun in school. no one can get the best of both ends. either u forgo it totally or you just stick on to it.
like now. i'm trying to make this whole year a great one. but no life suits me. and that's why i hate life by itself. all along i have been seeking the so-called perfect life. but i realise that nothing's perfect in this world. except GOD himself.
and oh yes. please leave a comment on my tagboard in regards to my new bloggie.i promise i will entertain them very soon.
lee needed you at 20.1.05
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005
bloody hell supervisor. what the hell. i can't wait for the one year bond to end(which is 31st dec by the way). she's mean to me, just because i'm new and 19 this year only. now i DREAD going to work every monday.
*she's fat and ugly by the way. and being 19 doesn't make me a bad teacher. instead doesn't it means that i can communicate better with the kids?
lee needed you at 18.1.05
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005
teaching can be quite tough. after 8 students on monday, i felt half-dead already. (oops its wed, sorry for updating only now). but what actually motivates you on is the eagerness of some kids. it doesn't matter where they come from, they are just plain cute. and who says aduts can't childlish at times. when they are convverted to being a student, they have mindset like any 5 year old kid i tell you.
this boy came into the studio almost crying. he's from korea(he told me later on) and he speaks in a really good accent with perfect english. he told me he doesn't like coming here and wants his mummy. my attemptd to cheer him up and make him feel comfortable were wasted, and my patience was wearing thin too. my award-winning mickey mouse sticker and lollipop that work wonders on kids to make them practicde didn't work this time. oh boy. i hated it but anyway we started on the lesson itself. after one song, he suddenly became so happy and told me that he wanted to play all the songs himself and asked me to teach him quickly. where did this miracle come from?
just before the lesson formally ended, he turned to me and asked me, with some hesitation:'actually can i have one of the sticker?"
"haha. my award winning method is working!" Sure! i told him.
then he said, thank you. but actually....erm do you think you can get aeroplane stickers next time because i love aeroplanes a lot.
i went like sure. you practice hard and i will give you aeroplane stickers next time ok? the big ok and the smile on his face following this was worth my time. they
they are just plain adorable.
lee needed you at 12.1.05
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Wednesday, January 05, 2005
my toe hurts like hell. to be more exact, my last toe has been bleeding non-stop.
how did this happen? well, it all started yesterday night. it was raining very heavily around the middle of the night. and since the rain was coming into my room, i had to close the windows. i woke up, eyes still closed and took my first step out of bed with my right leg(cos i am right-handed). i fell down immediately. my right leg was too numb to support the weight of my fat body. stood up again and in my sleepy state i forgot that my right leg was still numb and took my first step with my right foot again. tried to balance with my left leg but it didn't seem to work at 3 am at night so i fell even more badly this time.
now i have to hobble around. at home.
shesssh. i even felt like going to more interview to get a second job. but now, i'm here at home instead. looking at the computer and unable to do anything else. it sucks. really it does.
and when you think i am already 18, people say wah...so young??! its get irritating. no one will understand. i have the qualification and some experience, but because I AM 18. i am denied the job.and i'm charging very low at $25 an hour. am i fated to be rejected again and again. private teaching does not appeal to me anymore. i hate those people who go...18? and then byeeeeee. is 18 or 19 for the matter already too young?
lee needed you at 5.1.05
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Sunday, January 02, 2005
hello 2005, goodbye 2004. a bit late but that was because i stayed overnight at a friend's house and i was either out or sleeping and can't blog down my thoughts.
i almost cried at the sharing. 2004 was a really sad year for me. and as everyone wishes too, i hope next year(or rather this year) will be a brand new year with big hopes. i hope that at least it will be a beter year with more good stuff to shre with everyone at the end of the year.
and so here to a brilliant year ahead everyone.
it didn't surprise me that i got a new year question from a guy i knew way back in school. i really don't know how to answer it. its not as simple as a yes or no. it concerns the rest of my life. its a question that determines whether our fate is to be combined together and whether we are going to spend 2005 and the rest of the time together. as one.
i kind of excepted this question but when i really got it, i don't know how to answer you. í am sorry. as much as you had to pluck up the courage to ask me, i have to pluck up my own courage to answer it. its not going to be simple for me.
i wished that time would simply wash away all the memories. but it can't. it never would. six years as pass. i know what it is to really like a person for that long a time. and i know that it is serious. but i'm sorry.
no matter what happens. i'm here to say sorry no matter how it turns out to be.
lee needed you at 2.1.05
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