Monday, February 28, 2005
ever since i stepped into the teaching profession, i have met many different kind of parents. and it makes me wonder, what type of parents were my mom and dad when i was young?
basically, kids are spolit today. and they are getting more spolit. today, one of my students didn't do a two page theory homework which i gave her an allowance of two weeks to complete it. yes, she was really sweet looking and cute, but i hate people who don't do my homework. no excuses, miss lee says it has to be done. then do it.
so obviously this student didn't do her homework again. my gosh. three pages of theory homework only but yet can't finish after two weeks. i was really mad. i told the mum: hey your daughter didn't do her homework. and what did i get in response? oh you mean my sweetie pie didn't finish her homework. and then she turns to her daughter and said: hey sweetie pie, why you never do your homework. bad girl huh. teacher gave you too much homework is it?
she then turned to me and said: i think you gave my daughter too much homework. she's really stressed with so much school homework so i think she shouldn't be given too much homework.
the best thing was that, she's only 5 years old. Stress? hardly. 3 pages of drawing notes? too much homework? hardly.
goodness, the parents we have in society nowadays.
lee needed you at 28.2.05
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Sunday, February 27, 2005
its just a small little thought that came to my mind today.
a small incident. yet it struck something in my heart. one of my friend's uncle passed away, and the thing was that he left behind 7 million dollars in total. that's like wow, and if only i can get 1 million, things would be so good then. or maybe just 0.5 million. anyway, i just thought that so what if he has so much money. money is not everything. money cannot guarantee you a long life. or can money ensure you happiness. in fact, money doean't mean everything.
think about it. money can buy you the best bed in the world, but it can't buy you good sleep at night. money can buy you the best food, but it can't buy you good appetite. money can buy you the best health supplements, but it can't guarantee you good health. money can buy you sex, but it can't buy you true love. money can buy you all the branded goods in the world, but it can't give you happiness or a sense of contentment and peace.
money. it can sent you to the most expensive university in the world, but it can't guarantee that you will finish your degree smoothly with a first class honors. money. it might attract the best boyfriend but it can't ensure you that he will love you truly. so many people are seeking after money, more and more money, at the expense of so many things. there's nothing wrong with it really. but your know what? when we leave this world eventually, we cn't bring money with us can we? we will just leave this world with nothing. nothing at all. just like how we came into the world with nothing at all.
most rich people aren't happy. i'm glad i found true happiness. with God.
lee needed you at 27.2.05
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Friday, February 25, 2005
damn. in a few hours time, i will be having an interview.
i hate interviews. they simply ask stupid questions. i still remember that cristofori's interview. so the interviewer(which i don't know who, probably the head of that school) asked me: So what are your plans for the future? guess what i said. something that came to my mind that very moment: get married and have kids la. if that wasn't embarrassing enough, the interviewer looked at me as if i have just committed a big sin. and said: erm, i mean academically. damn, i knew that if i didn't say something that sounds correct that is at least pleasant to her ears, i'll probably loss the job. so i said, get a degree in music and be a performing pianist. haha, sounds convincing?
anyway, the point is that its easy to lie through an interview.(by the way, i got that job long ago). so many people talk crap during an interview and in the back of their mind hook up all the correct answers or whatnots that they learn in books or carry out advices from the so-called experts.
me, on the other hand, speak nothing but the truth. the honest plain truth. and all the more they should hire me later, beacuse as the advertisement goes: calling all experienced and qualified teachers interested in teaching piano. ain't i one? haha.
an attempt from me to act professional goes like this. i said to whosoever was on the phone at the other end: can i have the appointment at 4.15 instead? the person said: sure.(and asked me for my name). i answered by saying: felicia. miss felicia lee. or you can call me miss lee.
sorry i'm crapping. but the whole point of me typing an entry about interviews, or more specifically the interview later is because, i'm scared. damn.
lee needed you at 25.2.05
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Tuesday, February 22, 2005
everyone's freaking over the release of the A level results which will be out (rumoured) on the 4th of march, which is in fact less than 2 weeks. and omg, time flies. very soon, i got to walk through the gates of yjc, face the teacher and collect a slip of paper which is so going to determine every part of my life. damn, i hate it. everyone's like so freaking scared or nervous or whatever. to me, it is certainly nerve-racking, especially after a dream i had one night in which i dreamt i had O F F, which is like all fail. serious man. two years ago, collecting my O level results seem like such a small thing now. no kick man. two years later, i think i'm going to faint and just die there if i really do fail.
tell me i'm dumb if you must, but i really want to go to the states to study music. there are like a number of universities in the states that have really good solid music departments. and damn, i don't want to stay in singapore and get into nus or whatever. and damn also if i don't get an A for music, i will just stand there and cry. wait, i'll probably just know not what to do.
whatever. i'm scared.
lee needed you at 22.2.05
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Sunday, February 20, 2005
Topic: How to know if HIM or HER likes you?
For the guys:
1. She makes eye contact and smiles at you.
2. She calls you for homework..... a lot!!
3. She flips her hair when she's talking to you.
4. She touches your arm when she talks to you.
5. She says "No, I'm not telling you who I like!!" with a big smile on her face.
6. She asks you who you like or who you would go out with seeming interested.
7. When you go to the movies with a bunch of your friends, she's almost always next to you.
8. She criticizes (put downs) the girl you like.
9. She knows your WHOLE family's names including your dog.
10. She knows stuff about you like your birthday, eye colour, favourite colour, screen name, favourite food, favourite band, what
music you like and favourite sport.
11. Her friends outside of school know about you and say she talks of you a lot.
12. She knows your phone number and address.
13. She will try and talk and spend time with you as much as
possible.
For the girls:
1. His hand hits you (but not in the face).
2. He threw away his laser pointer after you told him you think they promote random acts of violence.
3. After asking you to sign his yearbook he wrote "How come we never hung out?"
4. He yelled Hi!!" to your mom that day she picked you up from school.
5. He blew off his buds to go see "Run Away Bride" with you cause you couldn't get another girl pal to go and you didn't want to go
alone.
6. Forget your jacket? You can wear his.
7. His voice gets softer ("Hey you") whenever you two talk.
8. You hung up on him and he called you back…almost immediately.
9. You were invited by him to a group outing.
10. He called you to talk to you about nothing at all.
11. He imitates your laugh- okay, you do snort sometimes, which makes you laugh even more!!
12. He remembers little things you mention in casual conversation.
13. He sometimes stares straight into your eyes.
some are rubbish. some do make sense. the choice is yours.
lee needed you at 20.2.05
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Thursday, February 17, 2005
i woke up super early today. because of my growling stomach.
seeing both my brothers today rushing about and trying to get out of the bed, while preparing to go school, i realised something: i miss school. not so much for the stress, but for the fun of it. its funny isn't it? its been only about two to three months since i left yj. and yet, i'm actually missing school.
now i get what james said, how he felt so left out after the As, how everything seem to suddenly stop and there's nothing to look forward to. i miss everything about school. the times i spent with my girlfriends chatting away, stoning in lessons, even poning lessons had its fun. i miss trying to skip all those sat tests last time. i missed the boredom in economics lectures, and even during that period when we had to rush or book seats in the lecture theatre. i missed getting so scared in maths class for fear of being asked to copy the whole summary notes, or not able to answer the questions. the times when we just sailed our way to school and get out there quite saftely.
most of all, i miss all the fun we had in music class. it was unforgettable. we had our fun, sorrow and joy. we helped each other along the way, we shared each other's burden, we encouraged each other. we had fun rotting, crapping, or cracking jokes. we had our fair share of burdens. deadlines for compositions, the portfolio, performances, concerts, whatever. but we still made it in the end. i kind of miss a little of the stress that came along with it. a little- because on two occassions, i broke down in front of you guys. one was after the A level music paper. but it was alright.
just to let you all know, i miss you guys.
lee needed you at 17.2.05
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Tuesday, February 15, 2005
on the table in my parents'room sits a vase of roses, that were given from my dad to my mum yesterday. yesterday- valentine's day. i never believed in valentine's day. i mean everyday should be valentine's day, why wait for one day in the year to be extra-loving. i never understood the world's kind of love. it has just become too over-rated, and a way for businesses to make extra big bucks. Anyway, i thought my parents were real sweet. if only i was part of a couple like them. sad to say, i didn't receive any flowers this valentine's day, but my girlfriends gave me presents.
to avoid the crowd yesterday, i took a cab home. work was real busy yesterday, spent like one hour explaining and recommending pianos to a parent. missed my piano teacher's concert in nafa, which i heard from my friend it was fanastic. went home tired, hungry and bored. ate bread- which was like the only thing edible in my house. quite sad but anyway it still filled my stomach. didn't even bothered to bathe. laid down on my bed, sms were flooding in, with my pillows and my bolster for accompany i replied them. gradually i fell asleep at around 1am.
so that was my valentine's day for you. i've done so much, but no one seems to be bothered. sad, yes. hurt? i don't know yet.
Anyway, i am going to totally give up. things meant to be, will always be there for you. like what my friend told me yesterday: girl, nothing's going to change even if you buy him a moon, you know? i slept with that in my mind.
lee needed you at 15.2.05
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Sunday, February 13, 2005
and maybe i should just go drinking so that i can forget whatever has happened......
lee needed you at 13.2.05
yesterday's outing to marina was fun! we had games in the afternoon: rounders and the ultimate frisbee. it was tiring but really fun. i haven't really played much games these few days. and i'm starting to miss those times. bbq dinner at marina wasn't really good. i mean true there were lots of food, but it just wasn't really that good. anyway it was only 9 bucks, with free ice-cream. hah! shit. ate quite a lot of food, and i think i'm getting really fat.
...........
i don't know what's wrong with me. something terribly wrong. i think my life took a sudden turn yesterday night.
i think i'm getting sick. and i'm sorry if i'm not myself these few days, i just feel terrible.
lee needed you at 13.2.05
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Friday, February 11, 2005
i created a new site. msg me online if any of you want to know the address beacuse i have decided to make it as private as possible. some things just can't be said here, u get what i mean?
lee needed you at 11.2.05
maybe i should become a writer so i can transform my world into another better world where everything is just so perfect.
..........
thanks for all the chinese new year greetings. chinese new year this year was nice, but not really eventful. it was just nice being with family and stuff, travelling, talking or eating with them. and if only this was a day-to-day stuff. it really makes you appreciate the family you got around you, and even get to know some relatives whom you haven't seen in donkey years.
anyway i got to admit it, when the Lee family go visiting, houses we normally visit will be filled with people. simply because the Lee siblings discovered that its the best and fastest method to get more hongbaos. and this case will end up with us not even knowing half the people present there. whenever we receive a hongbaos, we would just say thank you(in chinese). nothing else.
take for example on the first day of chinese new year, the first visit would normally be my grandma's house. we went there late, because the Lee family were so smart that they knew that people would usually sleep late and arrive there later in the afternoon. and lo and behold, we were correct. but goodness, i didn't know that so many cousins actually existed. i didn't even know some people and i still have no idea who they are. get my point?
anyway, dinner on chinese new year eve was great! it was steamboat, my favourite. ate like nobody's business and i'm obviously getting fat. walked along singapore river then all of us headed down to chinatown where it was crowded like hell. bascially i didn't feel any festive mood or atmosphere but just feels great walking with the crowd, stopping to buy stuff, bargaining with those people, you don't get to do this everyday. had to hold on to my mommy's hand to stop me from getting missing or being suck up by the crowd of people.
the two days of chinese new year break are over. its friday now. and i've nothing to do. the music school has holidays for this whole week. good and bad. good cos i get to slack around, bad cos i got nothing to do and am so bored. the house is virtually empty.
i never believed in new year resolutions but if it works, i don't mind trying. but it seem to have proved wrong to me every year. i make resolutions but never keep them. so this list of new year resolutions will probably be forgotton by the time i switch off by computer:
1. not to cry when i get my A level results. instead cry somewhere where no humans can see me.
2. save more money, which means starving myself and depriving myself of things i like.
3. say no to strangers, even old grandmas that ask me for road directions.
4. use lesser shampoo and conditioner when washing my hair and try to bathe in exactly 15 mins.
5. closer bond with my brother.
6. not to complain or whine or whatever. its hard la.
7. go to the states or UK to study music.
8. go on a diet(it will never happen because it never has happened)
9. be kind to animals.
10. sleep less and try to do more productive stuff instead of lazying around.
11. produce brilliant piano students
12. love my work. love my mum and dad. love evrything i got now.
13. not to take things for granted. instead treasure what i got.
14. learn cooking. its impossible la.
15. and lastly, not to worry or think too much beacuse everyday is a brand new day and life is short.
i'm crapping la. don't really make sense anyway.
lee needed you at 11.2.05
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Tuesday, February 08, 2005
i'm spolit.
i grew up being spolit and so when things don't go my way, i start to complain. when people do not give in to me and follow me, i whine. when nothing seems right and no one is there for me, i start to cry. silly me, but i'm spolit. i've been spolit simply till now.
and when its time to make life-changing decisions, i simply collaspe not knowing what to do. no one can help me now, i have got to help myself. its my own personal stuff, my own future. no one can be responsible for me now.
perhaps its because i started working that i realised i'm spolit. i can't stand not having enough money to buy things i like. i hate to live on a budget, i hate it when i don't have the things i want. i whined like anything during my first month of work when there are others out there doing worst jobs than mine. gone were the days i asked money from my dad like asking for paper. gone were the days i went into shops to buy anything i like, and walked into places to eat whatever looks nice.
and so when my mum started saying no to me learning how to drive(cos she thinks i should learn it at 21), i simply screamed. like really screamed and slammed the door to my room. my mummy has never said no before to me in my life. never. this was the first time. and now, i think that perhaps she never said no before to me that in fact cause me to suffer sometimes.
through closed doors i screamed: its not fair! but she never screamed back, she never did. in fact she told me her reasons for doing so. through that barrier, i shouted: shut up. get lost.
.........
its chinese new year eve and this was what i did. my mummy is such a darling to me. she never fails to encourage and care for me. perhaps because i've not grown up enough. i've been a disappointment really. and because i'm spolit, sometimes she dares not scold me. like today.
i can't wait to grow up, brush up my skills and play a first real piano recital to her. dedicated to my darling mum, for spoiling me silly.
lee needed you at 8.2.05
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Monday, February 07, 2005
there are some nights when you can't seem to sleep. lying on your bed is one thing, closing your eyes and sleeping peacefully is another thing. one more day has past, how time flies.
i wasn;t prepared for any of this. perhaps because it striked me at the time when i was the most vulnerable. i hated every minute of it, yet it was just like a slap to my face. i haven't really got over it. when you have feelings for someone, anything bad is considered as a rejection. it is during times like this when you stop to consider what you did wrongly, and start to blame yourself, shot darts at others, and ever really stop to think carefully.
.......
and its also times like this when you don't know where everything is heading, whether what you are doing seem right, that you start to curl up into a corner of your bed, and just let everything go.
tears are precious. and i felt so much better. i hope you felt the same too.
lee needed you at 7.2.05
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Saturday, February 05, 2005
and you do know what i have learnt: Some things are just beyond our control.
lee needed you at 5.2.05
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Friday, February 04, 2005
i had super bad cramps yesterday. was lying on my bed unable to sleep and that magic panadol just seem to disappear from my cupboard. the ice-blended drink from coffee bean certainly did not help. no panadols, with a bad drink equals to a terrible night. i finally fell asleep at 4am. i HATE being a girl!
Anyway, a small part of the reason why i ended up sleeping at 4am was because i was thinking a lot. many things, both small and big. i'm afraid to say this, though i can't even admit it to myself, that i have found HIM. how? when? don't ask me why. i'm still searching for answers myself.
love. its a short word, but is actually a short word hiding beneath a big world. i'm afraid i don't know that big world, because i never got to experience it. love means family love, brotherly love, biblical love. couple's love? no way, i doubt it. that's why i never had a desire to experience it. just look at the number of broken marriages that are increasing every year, what happened to all those marriage vows at weddings?
i'm dreading on very dangerous ground. but there's no way i can turn back and you know why? beacause i'm curious. because i'm interested in HIM. because i have come to a stage in which no one can be able to help me.
HIM. HER. one-side party love will never work out. i should just forget the whole thing.
maybe i should just delete this entry for all i care.
HIM. HER. more than friends. a couple. happily together. bullshit i tell you.
lee needed you at 4.2.05
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