Wednesday, March 30, 2005
You Will Die at Age 85 |
85
Congratulations! You take good care of yourself.
You're poised to live a long, healthy life. |
thank you. i just needed to know this. hah.
lee needed you at 30.3.05
its 950am in the morning. and omg, can you believe it? i'm awake. its like the first time i woke up so early(hah.to all those who has school and has to wake up super early, too bad.but i used to that too).
i'm surprised how advance technology can get. a few years ago, when i was still in sec.2 or so, pagers were like an in-thing. well, nowadays, people with pagers(or are there still such people...) would be laughed at by the handphone carriers. even among the handphone group, people with seemingly lesser advanced or older models were be stared at. "mine got bluetooth one le, see still got camera." pooh, and now there are still much more weird functions that are surfacing. well, i never do seem to bother. a handphone is a handphone. i just use it to call and sms. why bother to waste so much money buying a multi-functional phone, if i don't even need it(and probably don't know how to use too.hah)
show-off. that's wht we singaporeans like to do. parents use their child to show off. well, that's why they start comparing and what's nots. and i'm getting very sick of it. and the child in turn compare their parents with others. wealth, qualifications, cars, houses, credit cards etc. SICK.
well, if one day you happen to step into the teaching world, many parents'behaviour will just disguist you to the point leaves you thinking. well...about all this. hah.
anyway to guys going into the army soon, hah. got there and go back stronger yeahs. oh and more muscular. hah.
lee needed you at 30.3.05
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Monday, March 28, 2005
i simply love nydc. dinner @nydc was simply good. if any of you want to try some good stuff, do try their potato salad and for dessert, their cookie monster mudpie. but their pizzas arent very good.
anyway, i've been eating a lot and i think i'm getting fat. oh no.
lee needed you at 28.3.05
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Thursday, March 24, 2005
tomorrow's good friday. yay, that means no work for me. horray. my pay is coming, i'm having a little bonus for this month. double horrays.
lee needed you at 24.3.05
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005
well, i went for the talk for the scholarships. and guess what? there was a multitude of people inside the seminar room, and after the talk ended, everyone dashed in front to take the application form.
i'll probably got to give up because there's no hope anymore.
lee needed you at 22.3.05
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Saturday, March 19, 2005
audition on the 15th of april. ok. my piano teacher still could joke that it's his birthday so i'll probably do very well. whaveter.
anyway, i just realised that i've grown up quite a lot. there's no more school for me, at least not for the moment so there's nothing you can ask me about school and there's nothing i can talk about either. they just became sort of like memories. so i can only talk about work now. and working sucks.
i think its everything. the 2 years in jc, the working life that brought me closer to maturity. oh yes, disagree if you must, but i just feel as if i've grown up quite a bit, not a lot though but well just a little. or so u think. hah.
man. please tell me whether i should apply for the scholarship, which in my case i'll most probably not get.
lee needed you at 19.3.05
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Friday, March 18, 2005
oh dear. i really need to talk to my darlings abouu this.
it just feels as if i've done some stuff on impulse. and being me, whatever things or decisions or whatever i've done, i will always bloody regret it later on in life.
sometimes we battle with others whether it was better to have thought of the consequences before we even act or believe in it. well, but actually, if one knows of the consequences, everything he does will be perfect. but life isn't perfect, and there will always be some leapholes along the way. and so the normal thing to say, is not to think too much.
i agree. i shouldn't think too much. but i think my life's going in a direction i don't want it to go. someone please save me.
anyway, if anyone even noticed it, i've been blogging daily now. not like there's anything interesting about my life now, but than its becoming a habit of mine.
lee needed you at 18.3.05
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Thursday, March 17, 2005
my supposedly one hour workshop on clasical music turned out to be a teacher-student gossiping session instead. yes, i must emphasise gossiping because that was what we were doing, or so the four students sitting in front of me did. whatever they said, they were just plain cute.
they talked mostly of the teacher they had before i took over. they gossip about everything that she wears, does, and acts, because according to them that teacher was a really strict teacher. they told me about her supposedly ugly boyfriend, her ghostly makeup, her bright red lipstick and her stinking perfume. they told me how she scolded them last time, and how she used to circle all the wrong notes with big fat dark circles. And oh ya, how she instilled so much fear in them that they dare not even to walk past her studio now and ran when they see her for fear of bumping into her.
and while they gossip about her, i had a really good time(being the busybody me). i took delight in hearing all the juicy gossips being told to me. they just seem to know every one bit about her, which i don't know how they did it. i prompt them for more information at times, because it was so funny and interesting that i wanted to know more!
and then great, there goes 30mins. 30mins left for my workshop. just decided what the heck, i will just perform some songs for them. they were just so excited, asking me to play for them this song and that. and i ended my workshop illegally early. and they went: yeah hoo! go home time!
haha. guess what. i'm going to check out that teacher next week.
lee needed you at 17.3.05
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Wednesday, March 16, 2005
if you hate my whining, i advice you not to read on, because i'm really sick of life, me, and just about everything at revolves around me.
and i hate cms too. i hate working there already. at first it was ok, i did meet some really nice people and became rather close with just a few of them. so everything was kind of alright, although i came across few people i didnt particular like and i think the working environment is not that good(this is a long story). today was just perhaps like a balloon waiting to be burst.(another long atory) i'm really sick of there already. i don't want to work there anymore. tuition agencies are like practically calling me for my service to teach piano, for which i don't have to give 50% to the school as some stupid profits of theirs. and all i could say was no time because i'm waiting to further my studies. talk about the world being a upside down place, when i have so much time in the world and almost in an unemployed state, no one wants me. when i've so much stuff in my hands, everyone wants me.
ok, next on my list. guys. i'm sick of guys too, just everything about them. i hate guys who take you for granted, i hate guys who hate understand everything that shows you never had any interest in them. and most of all, i'm sick of being stalked by guys whom leave me irritated by their actions and by guys who seem to ignore you though you try hard to get their attention.
i'm sick of waiting for a stupid audition which i'm going to flunk. i'm sick by the thought that i'm about to apply for a scholarship that i'm never ever going to get. i'm sick by the thought that i'm probably just a loser and can't go anywhere in life.
and above all these, i'm sick of my stinking lousy A level results. they form the major bulk of everything, though not really. and although it was over long ago, some things just can't be erased from your mind.
and i'm sick because i'm broke and have no money to go shopping. no money means i got to camp at home until my next pay goes rolling into my bank. and í'm sick too because i've overshoot on my handphone bill. my room's just in about a terrible condition as ever. i can't really find my things now. and i got to play on a silly Yahama upright piano which is in urgent need to tuning because i can't assure my dad i can get into nafa. i'm sick becaue most of the time i spent looking at the silly scores and knowing i'll probably never be that good.
anyway so much for my whining and stuff. today was bad. i hope it will be better tomorrow.and oh yah, dinner last night was really good, because i didn't have to worry about the hole in my pocket but i do have to worry about the extra pounds on my tummy now.
lee needed you at 16.3.05
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Tuesday, March 15, 2005
ok. so it was misunderstanding on my part. but what else can i do, but say sorry. i have done it, but i doubt it will ever put things right between us again.
alright. so it was my fault that i misunderstood you. but how the hell am i to know. you think i can read your mind, even if i could, there will probably be things that i know not of.
i rather be left alone.
lee needed you at 15.3.05
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Sunday, March 13, 2005
it was just pure luck that i chose to spend my time sleeping at home instead of going for the nus open house. from whatever i heard, i could only sense that it was boring and poorly organised.
on my forehead are two pimples, and i only get pimples when i'm like stressed. well so am i stress now, with the kind of lifestyle i'm living? some things just happened, and it isn't exactly the best time for it to happen. so what should i do? sit and wait and see what will happen next? right now, i don't know why its happening or where its going to lead to, but with everything happening around me, i choose to ignore it.
so maybe i'm ignorant. so maybe i choose to put it aside, see the world go around before me and not do anything about it. but then what can i do. its not in my control you know.
my scales sucks. my pieces sucks. and i'm going to fail the audition. chopin can as well jump out from his grave and hit me real hard with the way i am going to destroy one of his most famous piece.
lee needed you at 13.3.05
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Saturday, March 12, 2005
i need a break from everything.
pride. oh yes, i'm guilty of it too. and just when you think you are sure to be the best at it, some things just come your way and smack you in the face real hard.
and i got that.
lee needed you at 12.3.05
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Thursday, March 10, 2005
after attempting to access the server for countless times, i finally can blog now.
well, what can i say about today. class gathering was perfect- well, almost! except that we had to walk a really long way from the train station to the restaurant. and the restaurant was a really pure chinese restaurant, with those kind of sheena-speaking waitress and chinese stuffs around it. seems like we were being transform to china, or even attending someone's chinese wedding dinner. hah. anyway, i guess it was the company that counts- and i love all you guys to pieces (though we were missing someone *ahem). we must meet up again guys. and soon.
i'm going nafa tomorrow to settle everything. well, hopefully. i don't know how everything will work out, so i guess i need all the luck i can gather. i haven't touched grade 8 scales in like ages and after not having studied for 3 months, my brains are declared rusty.
i hope the appeal will be successful, although i don't hold any hopes on it.
anyway i still do dream about the states, which i know will probably not come true at all. yes, definitely not at all.
lee needed you at 10.3.05
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Monday, March 07, 2005
haha. i think i'm mad. i really don't give a damn about my results anymore. it was history, and i won't give a shit anymore about it. but i guess sometimes i probably still can't get over it. probably in a very long while. though sometimes its hard to just move on, i'll have to. thanks to friends who talk this sense into my dumb head.
i'm just going to apply and leave everything in God's hands beacuse i realised some things are out of our control. nafa music, majoring in piano performance or SIM business, majoring in economics and finance. i really don't know. so the best thing i can do is just apply and wait and sit back and see how everything goes.
and i'm mad because i'm thinking of applying for some funny arts scholarship. someone please talk sense into my head again.
lee needed you at 7.3.05
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Saturday, March 05, 2005
i don't want to talk about yesterday because it was the worst day of my life so far and i felt as if i had just received the biggest blow in my life.
yes. i did cried the shit out of me yesterday. i spent the whole night crying my heart out. but it probably felt great. i think i felt much better after crying too.
and i did a really stupid thing. i took my music concerto book and tear off the pages, threw it on the floor and tear it into pieces. it's still on my floor now. and its probably going to stay there.
i will never get over this in a really long time. basically yesterday closed the door to lots of university's courses, options and the thought of studying overseas. whatever i wanted to do or plan to study and whatever will probably not surface.and basically it felt really bad to be the worst in class when you have never been near the bottom before.
i really got to say a big thank you to all my friends who cheered me up. friends who put up with my crying, complaining or whining. friends who lent a listening ear, even though it was the middle of the night. friends who swap me back to reality. and friends who were there to comfort me and stayed with me throughout. and don't worry, i love you all to pieces.
lee needed you at 5.3.05
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Thursday, March 03, 2005
the countdown begins.
till then, i'm going to hold tight to my bed and pray really really hard until that moment comes.
yesterday, i was accidently reminded of how i left one economics essay uncompleted. and then just now, hearing Tchaikovsky's piano concerto on the radio, i got reminded again of my screwed up music history essay. i have since avoided concertos in general like a plague.
tomorrow. the beginning of the end of my life.
lee needed you at 3.3.05
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Tuesday, March 01, 2005
damn. the A level results will be out this friday.
and by the way, if any of you want to make quick bucks, consider selling me tissue on that day. I assure you that any of you can make 10 bucks quickly by selling me 10 packets of tissue at $1 each.
anyway, i'm really scared. my youngest brother just got scolded by my dad because he did not get good grades for his recent tests. my dad was really mad and went something like: you get such lousy grades and you want me to tell others that i'm a lecturer? what kind of lecturer's kid are you? then my dad just glared at him, at my mom, and then at me and off he went out of the house. damn, i think my brother was really upset, and i don't blame him. it was such a terrible blow, and all he did was just close the door and stay put in his room.
and now, i'm set to get my A level results. not just some funny test, mind you. its the GCE A LEVEL EXAM. and i'll probably get much worse a scolding from my dad than what my brother got today. i don't know what i'll get, where my life is heading to, whatever is going to happen then, i just don't want to think about it. i don't want to think about it because í'll probably come up with the worst things ever and scare myself half to death.
and even without thinking about it, i'm scared. its funny isn't it? how O levels were like two years ago, but more like two centuries ago. how O levels were not really a big deal when we are here, prepared to get our A level results. how nothing ever happens except that slip of paper and wishing the best we can ever hope. how we will give anythign just so we can get the results we ever at least hope to get.
and guess too how i would be spending my last day of freedom, ie thurs night. shopping and enjoying myself before i face my doom.
damn. time flies. íts just scary to even think about it. to those facing the same fate as me, i wish you all good luck.
lee needed you at 1.3.05
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