Monday, November 28, 2005
some parents are just so freaking sickening, irritating and unreasonable. i just quarelled with a parent over the phone and i didn't start it. maybe its just like this. some parents think that since they are more educated, then they are better than anyone. because more paper qualifications you have probably means more to show off. and more to argue. alright i don't want to go into all the details and bore you guys, but the conclusion of the whole matter is that i'm going to give a 15 minutes make-up lesson soon.
i put aside my phone and then headed to bathe. when i came out, there were six missed calls from that parent. insanity. and she called the school twice in which the school called me once.
sometimes i really want to quit my job, though i will no doubt miss some of my students. some of them are really such darlings goodness, while ehh some are really a pain in the ass haha. and oh ya i was a darling last time.
right dokie. i'm going running with my mom tomorrow morning who claims she is fat. hopefully i can get my ass off bed.
lee needed you at 28.11.05
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Sunday, November 27, 2005
ok its confirmed. i'm leaving on the 2nd of dec night, then will spend the night at bangkok airpot (ehh shopping and sleeping with carol and david), then off to chiangmai. and then i'll be back on the 14th dec midnight hopefully in one piece. and i hope the trip will be a good one, besides all the shopping and fun. anyway, i just can't wait to get out of singapore because its just so boring.
and if anyone didnt know, i got fired. well, not exactly fired but i got let off my ocntract much earlier, because there were complains from the boss that i took far too many leave. and i don't plan to teach anymore, i don't know but i think teaching isn't my kind of job. i dread going to teach, and when kids don't do what i tell him to, i get really mad and scold them. and then i really don't have the patience at all.
and i got back my principal studies results too. it wasn't that bad considering the pathetic amount of practice and effort that i put in. i guess now i got to be contented with what i got.
can't life get more interesting? because so life its BORING.
lee needed you at 27.11.05
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Thursday, November 24, 2005
the atcl exam. over. many thanks to stephie for being my page turner although i think she practically fell asleep during the adagio second movement, and ALMOST turned the page at the wrong time heh.
and goodness i was trembling 99 percent of the time, arms, hands, legs and fingers. imagine i was really really scared. i made a lot of unforgivable slips, so that probably means i can't pass. i think the nerves started to get away from me only at the last piece, which isn't good at all. and the kaiwai grand was so hard and difficult to play. i did my best to play into the keys and was practically jumping off the piano chair for the ff chords. and when i left the room, i saw a whole page of comments on the paper by the examiner, which probably means i'm going to fail. oh boy. alright i shall not think anymore and wait for the results patiently.
anyway its all over, and i can finally enjoy the rest of my holidays in peace. this holidays is going to be so much fun. yipee! and i swear i'm not going to touch the piano for a month haha. and today is the first day in this week that isn't raining the whole day. great because i hate chilling nights.
lee needed you at 24.11.05
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Wednesday, November 23, 2005
exam tomorrow. and i'm getting the nerves. its not perfect, its not fanastic, just ok. ok enough i hope to pass. and then anything more than a pass is really a miracle.
damn. i need to de-STRESS and not worry so much about tomorrow. alright, i shall head off to sleep and then after that for a jog. i wish i had evgeny kissin fingers. he plays like a god.
i really wanted to go for the chopin showcase, and almost booked tickets until i realised i wont be in singapore. i've no mood to write anything now because i'm really very scared.
lee needed you at 23.11.05
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Sunday, November 20, 2005
i really feel like giving up.
i left church early today and headed to mr liang's house for piano lesson. it lasted for almost two hours after which i left like breaking down in tears. its easy isn't it, how we can tell others not to give up, that things don't just end there and that there's a bright side to everything. but its hard to tell yourself isn't it?
i ought to do something. like urgently. but instead i feel like giving up. i think i'm hopeless. i think i cannot make it. today was probably just like a wake-up call. to everything. everything really. because i havent been performing up to standard and in fact my standard has dropped rather badly. a blow to the face, yes. but a really good wake up call.
and yes i don know that i've been slacking quite badly. but right now, i feel like just giving up. it isnt a choice but yet i just don't feel like doing anything which in other words means giving up. and i think i'm so lucky to have mr liang as my teacher because he's just so encouraging even though he's rather straightforward and scolds you indrectly. and sometimes its teachers like him who shows that they really care. and all they want you to do is your best. no high standards nothing. just your best. and he's just a teacher whom i can speak anything and everything with. and that's why i know i shouldnt let him down, but yet the feeling still persist.
i'm quite a hypocrite actually. few months back i was actually telling stephie that she shouldnt give up because if you give up you wouldnt gain anything if you havent even tried it in the first place, when she didnt feel like going for her exam. but now here i am. half-giving up and feeling quite miserable about everything.
it isn't pms. its just like a reality blow to your face. you know it all along but in this moment, everything just goes boong on you and you wake up in shock. maybe i'll go to sleep, scarp practice today, wake up tomorrow and feel a bit better about the whole thing.
lee needed you at 20.11.05
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Friday, November 18, 2005
exams over. results partly out. quite a late post though. haha. harry potter movie was so nice. best movie of the year mans. and ahem nice surprise for our dear birthday girl and remember i was the mastermind(:
i don't know why but i'm quite disappointed in myself. i expected better grades, which obviously was dumb because of my inconsisent work and last minute muggings. but i'm quite pleased with myself because despite my packed nights and hectic schedule, i still managed quite pleasant grades for my actual exam. and i guess i've just got to work a little bit harder.
i can't wait so that i can go christmas shopping. there's just so much things i want to and have to buy. haha typical girls i guess. and i'm still eyeing on that mango skirt. its just soso nice. practical exam went fine, though my first scale was a bit unsteady because i plunge into the scale before i was even ready which was a fatal mistake. and then the best part was i had a running nose and cant snezzing and using tissue to wipe my nose and what nots and mrs phua thought i was crying. after the exam, when i was about to leave the room, she said- ahem i think there's no need to cry. and i was like what cry. no i got a running nose.
and i'm just left with one more hurdle.
many times i felt like calling you. but i cant seem to let my fingers press your number on my handphone. and i'm really worried about you. maybe some part of me miss you. or maybe, just maybe, you stole a fraction of my heart, and maybe soon you will win my whole heart.
and i just can't seem to handle the emotional part of everything. i cry easily. i hate it when i'm hurt. emotionally hurt. i don't like to just sit there and do nothing about it. something must be done but i don't think i can be the one to do it.
i'm quite stressed up now. i had a headache the whole of today which was only ok just. after many panadols and i'm not surprised if its an overdose. but nevermind, i'm fine now.
its such nice brezzy cool weather that's nice for you to think. think. and think somemore. they say actions speak louder than words. i'll try.
lee needed you at 18.11.05
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Monday, November 14, 2005
10 things that will tell you she doesn't give a damn about you:
1. she ignores your calls
2. she ignores your sms-es.
3. she's terribly late on your first date
4. she tells you suddenly in a conversation that she's sleepy and wants to sleep when its only 10pm at night.
5. she gives excuses like going out with parents than going out with you.
6. you continue talking and then she just say yes. and then yes again. and then bye.
7. she takes 100000000 years to reply you sms
8. she just tell you that you are annoying
9. and then maybe she will never sms you back
10. but she will still accept your flowers because they are just so pretty
some things are better left unsaid. as quoted from stingray's blog. its a sunday night but why am i feeling so miserable? the day went fine for me. everything seem to be okie but then again something is not.
sometimes i don't know whether it is better to be loved or to love someone. whatever. love never did exist. i'm not lonely. i'm a happy girl.
lee needed you at 14.11.05
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Friday, November 11, 2005
the academic exams are finally over. woot! although my results would be worse than shit because i didnt know what i didn't finish music tech, didnt know what i was writing for history, was half hour late for harmony and couldnt catch any of the aural stuff. i think it was after the history paper or something that i practically gave up, expectations- i dont care about them anymore. and so when everyone was mugging, i ended up sleeping(not soundly though). and then i realised last minute studying wouldnt help much anyway. and i think results are going to come out quite soon, history at least, she said next week which is like so fast. motivations just dont work anymore.
i really don't like exams. i cant cope with the stress. i feel stress easily. and adding on to the fact that i didnt feel very well for the past few days. i think when the results come out, i'll better not show my dad even if he ask me too, if not i think i'll be sure of a very huge scolding. but what to do, i already put in my best- for history and harmony that is.
and i dont think i can take a short break. last night i was still doing work- my programme notes. tonight i'll still be editing it and then perhaps the concert portfolio which i havent started at all. i think its crazy, they changed the deadline to mon or something.
at least i could make it for the thailand trip. it will be fun, catching up with people, going thailand to see the kids again. and a time too to get right with God.
lee needed you at 11.11.05
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Friday, November 04, 2005
i'm sick of blogging. so pics will do. anyway a picture says a thousand words. these pics were taken from bbq with collagues, can't remember when though. perhaps a few weeks ago but i just got the pictures lol.
me with birthday girl.
lee needed you at 4.11.05
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Wednesday, November 02, 2005
its back to the A levels days again. mug, mug and more muggings. i hate studying i really do, like who doesn't(: and i never study at all during normal days, which explains why i have got so much to mug now.
i like this weather. i hope i could be outdoors doing something, or anything at all. instead of getting coop up in this pathetic room. its stressful isn't it, to know that exams are like next week, and yet i don't have an idea of tbaroque history, or remember any information about it at all. weird bacause music history was once my favourite topic. but we were doing romantic concertos last time, which sort of explains why too.
on the other hand, i had the most fruitful lesson with mr liang today. actually every lesson has been good so far. but today was better because believe it or not, i've been spending 5 hours practicing everyday. we are going to have more extra lessons soon. but i think it wasn't impressive because the guy in front of me was playing chopin's scherzo, and a piece with flying octaves all over.
whee. he's coming back tonight. late at night though and i wonder what he bought back for me.
lee needed you at 2.11.05
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Tuesday, November 01, 2005
the ice-cream man just came to my house. he acted pitiful. plea with my dad to buy, and then beg. so now there are tubs of icecream in my freezer. and i'm so so tempted to just walk over and get some.
temptations takes over the mind. she's back with a bowl of icre-cream and a slice of brownie. cookies and cream and chocolate. sinful.
i'm offically under a study break this week and as the name suggests, its a week to study and mug like hell for the exams. but today wasn't ehh productive. skipped aural make-up lesson and did finishing touches to history portfolio. went over to school and handed it in plus practiced for ehh two hours i think and it wasn't productive at all. why? BECAUSE some people or person was just so irritating that made my heart boil and in short, spolit my mood. and i really had to scream: you better get out here now. seriously irritated.
silly me plan a timetable this week. hours of studying snd practicing. and silly me knows that i wouldn't keep to it.
then why do i even bother since i know that it will never work. then in this case too, why try when you know sometimes that you will fail. haha food for thought. ask me after my exams, then i'll tell you we got no choice but to take exams.
lee needed you at 1.11.05
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