Monday, January 30, 2006
happy chinese new year to everyone. a bit belated but still may this year be the best yet to be. and i thought i better pop in an entry before i can so tied up with stuffs again.
i don't see a point going around visiting a million relatives or parent's friends or anybody associated with my family when i don;t even know half of them. all i say is happy new year, with a big smile of course. and most of the time i wont know who they are. and off to the sofa and the tv i go. i hate all the exclaminations of wow, you are getting taller/ prettier/ more like your mum. it irritates me to the core. is that what everyone says only? and the worse thing is when they ask what you are doing, when actually they are just curious to know how smart you are or how much money you have.and then the aunties will gather together and discuss their children's intelligence. the comparsion will then start. but on a brigher tone, i love all the hongbaos i get. and the homemade cookies that i get to eat, free-of charge. all the nice food, snacks, drinks, alcohol and whatever nots.
i saw the real point of chinese new year last night. and i really enjoyed it. away from everything and just, a really nice talk. i much prefer to invite a few close friends over, and so i don't favour in visiting people whom we obviously can't be bothered with, or inviting people just to show off or for the face of it.
and of course, i get the whole week free. the whole week. and i'm so so going to party the whole week away. and chinese new year may be tiring, but its the closeness of family that you smile at the end of the day.
visitations, and then people coming over. oh boy.
lee needed you at 30.1.06
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Monday, January 23, 2006
there are just times when you feel like turning in early. and then you wish to just have a really good night rest. i wish so too. and tonight's the night.
school ended pretty late today, thanks to the piano recital. it was good by the way. really good. emotionally inspiring.
and i know exactly how i feel. and i'm sure of what i want at the end of it. i don't like being controlled anymore. i like to make decisions myself. do things myself and do things that i like. i think i can handle them myself quite perfectly ok.
you see, at the end of the day it just boils down to choices. i wish i had them. alright like i say, i'm hitting the bed before midnight tonight.
lee needed you at 23.1.06
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Saturday, January 21, 2006
didn't manage to wake up early today morning for a jog. hit my handphone alarm and it was off to dreamland again. and i think i must be the most fickle-minded person on earth. i can't decide just on about everything.
i'm losing touch on presents and decorations. used to be rather good with it. i've learnt how to bake cookies though. personalized gifts, that black photo album cum scrapbook cum calender. of old memories, not too long ago and of those that i do not know which are yet to come. i'm putting my 110 percent into it.
and of course keeping my fingers crossed at the same time too.
off to some grooming course, though i think i'm quite well-groomed already. haha quite funny. and i'm thinking of that modelling thing, it didn't seem to appeal to me like how it should to me.
lee needed you at 21.1.06
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Friday, January 20, 2006
my week was, oh wells, interesting. my week was made interesting by a jog around our areas with aud, pat and her funny stuffs during mambo, the sleepover and subsequently a really good laugh with her in the morning. truth be told, she made me laugh like no one's business. and i realised how fatigue could affect the brain. how we act all so silly when we are just so tired.
die, died and dead. performance on monday. hopefully i won't screw it up. and there are just so many things to be done that i have no idea where to start from. basically history, moa and much more practice.
i think friends are the best things that you can ever have in the world. true good friends. because when you are not feeling right, they make you right again. and when you think everything's perfect and wonderful, they make you realise that actually its just a lie. they are just always there for you, no matter what.
and i believe i did what was right. i will never let any of my friends fall into dark pit. because i care.
oh ya. the greatest joke of the day which kept me laughing so hard in moa class. someone asked around whether anyone wanted to watch the movie cheaper by the dozen next week. and then someone heard it as- cheaper bar dancing.
lee needed you at 20.1.06
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Saturday, January 14, 2006
my feet hurts.
my body is aching.
i have got countless mosquito bites.
and my heels are half-pained.
nevertheless, today was so much fun. i didn't know that such stuff could just light up my day. really. i thought it would be a waste of time and everything on my part going for the course but it proved me wrong.
alright. i'm now so so really tired i'm going off to dreamland now. and oh ya i failed the test, i didn't get my hair permed in the end. and i need a spa and a facial seriously.
sometimes i think i'm a coward, because sometimes i want to do some things, but just cant seem to do it. and sometimes i want to say something, expres something within me, but i can't. they say, these are called special feelings.
lee needed you at 14.1.06
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Friday, January 13, 2006
sometimes it seems like no one really understands. and i often wonder why am i always the victim of everything. perhaps because i'm too selfish. i often want to talk to another person, be it living or non-living about everything. about what really is going on.
i really really do miss the old times. how dad and me used to be so close so unbreakable and so not-apart. how mum and me could really really talk about anything under the sun. how we used to laugh at almost everything under the sun, made 'ladies' jokes when no one is within hearing and just how we used to do things together.
but i'm not talking about family here. i'm talking about something personal. like how in a few years later, you look back and you regret the things that you ever had done or say. like how you wish you have done something, but never ever got down to doing it.
and i think i'm turning into a make-up addict. i MUST put on at least some makeup before walking out of the house, if not i'll feel empty and weird. its not good considering the amount of chemicals that i put daily on my face.and i'm spluring on make-up items like nobody's business. they look nice, and that's why i buy it. or its new in the market. like how i bought two blushers today but will never use them because my cheecks are proof of natural blushers. and its just like how ladies buy a dozen lipsticks, lipglosses and lipbalms although they only have one lips.
i MISS my hectic schedule. i miss spending more 12 hours lierally outside, skipping dinners because i'm just too busy, rushing here and there and basically having no room to breathe. its weird i know. but i'm so used to it, and now when i get the whole night to myself, or am able to go clubbing on weekdays nights, or hang around with my family for dinner, it feels weird. and it feels even more weird sometimes being able to sleep before midnight and not having to bang on the piano past midnight.
still job-hunting. with my fingers crossed of course. i havent found the perfect job yet, although i dont think i ever would. teaching piano just seem so un-challenging, so not-me.
lee needed you at 13.1.06
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Tuesday, January 10, 2006
firstly, the weather has been making me extremely cranky and irritated. and to top it off, i'm feeling cold all over such that i was shivering the whole of last night, with my windows closed.
and i really don't know what has been happening, i was talking to angela just last night, and then i was talking to her about quitting school. oh boy. wait wait. in case anyone is getting a shock, no. this has been in fact on my mind ever since the last exams ended.
anyway i'm going to be home today. surprise yet again. i need to clear a lot of stuff in my cupboards, re-decorate my room and then if the weather permits, the pool and a swim will be my hiding place. for today.
lee needed you at 10.1.06
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Sunday, January 08, 2006
somehow i think what's meant to be, what always be. sounds complicating. in other words, when in doubt don't act. let nature take its course.
school started already, one week has gone by actually. and it has been boring like hell. and sometiems i wonder whether i'm doing the correct course, and whether i'm in the right school. its plain boring and dead tiring. and i've no interest in whatever i'm doing. sounds like a felicia moody mood swings. but believe me its not. sometimes things hit you hard on the head. and i've no interest in God anymore. like today church was such a dread and i couldn't just wait to get home.
and maybe its because of the rainy days, i'm getting a little sick. i'm thinking more, don't worry. i'm going to try to think, like a 20 year old adult.
lee needed you at 8.1.06
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Monday, January 02, 2006
i couldn't blog last night. com was acting a bit crazy, so anyway happy new year to all! and i'm so glad that the new year just had to fll on sun, which means monday is a holiday too, so which means also that i don't have to go back to school so fast.
and to make my new year's day an even more memorable one, i got stucked in the rain and i'll never forget it. since the weather was so nice, with really big clouds and a nice sunny weather, i decided to head out for a jog. and then i was happily jogging and suddenly out of no where really, it started raining. and it got bigger and BIGGER and BIIIGGGGEEER. damn, and i had to seek shelter and had to waited for ever for the rain to stop. worse still, i didn't bring my handphone and did not even had a cent with me. lesson learnt- singapore's weather is just so unpreditable. i swear i'm going o tune in to some weather forecast before heading out for a massive jog the next time round. like one moment it was hot, humid and sunny, the next moment it was raining, and later on pouring.
slacking, working, horrid A level results, panicking, worrying, sleepless nights, audition, nafa life, new friends, old friends that became closer, exams, results, piano and theory exams, thailand trip, christmas, quitting cristofori. and there, my 2005 for you.
and oh great, as someone kindly puts it, i'm no longer nineTEEN, i'm twenty now. which means i'm no longer a teen.
lee needed you at 2.1.06
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