Wednesday, March 29, 2006
of some reasons, wednesdays always makes me very sleepy. and this is what i do when i get so sleepy. anyone wants to take a peek into my life? its here. and its depressing, says the computer. now, i sure don't need anyone to tell me that my love life is like close to zero. that's not the point, i answered the computer i'm straight okie.
and and. piano makes me depressed la. why would that be so, when i'm actuallly majoring in it. academic work has been taking the shit out of me, that one day it will all end up on the death highway i tell you.
you know that this period of time, my mind just can't think. if you tell me eat, i'll eat. tell me sleep, i'll sleep. my mind is becoming a robot you know. and robots don't have feelings. because they dont have a heart. how can the heart be pumping and allowing them to breathe and be alive then. and then why are there still robots in the world.
okok. lame lame. (but i still can walk).
lee needed you at 29.3.06
-•-
Monday, March 27, 2006
i hate being sick. but on the bright side, i had the chance to catch up on my much-needed sleep. and i havent had a real meal yet. i mean you cant consider porridge and bread as a real meal. and now i'm really much much better, which is good, because there are so many things going on that it isnt good to be stuck in bed all day. anyway, thanks for all your concern, especially yours(:
my diet consisted of a mixture of chinese and western mecidine, and my vedict? chinese medicine works better. western mecidine just has too much side-effects, like drowsiness. and i was immediately zonked out. but like i say, maybe its just the replacement of all the sleep debts over the past weeks.
i caught the movie- the hills have eyes. super gross movie, all the blood, killings and what's-nots. no wonder they rate it M-18. but it isnt a bad movie. go catch it if you havent.
there's a history test this wed. and i'm so screwed. i've got to do more readings, if not i'll probably not make it. but stupid mecidine is making me want to sleep again.
maybe i'll go back to sleep, but i'll dream of Mozart, Haydn and beethoven. and i'll leave my message tone to the loudest.
lee needed you at 27.3.06
-•-
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Somehow, everything seems to be doing well. the past few tests were quite alright. my social life is more than great. and everything is just getting along fine. but something holds me back, tells me that there's this thing that needs fixing. and i better go look at it before it just explodes my whole mind, emotions. and everything really. but i cant. because i know i wouldnt like whatever the consequence. so i'm just going to
leave
it
as
that.
but i know sooner or later, i would need to go back and solve it. i'll need friends to lend a listening ear to. i want to solve it by myself.
i can sense its going to drive me crazy. damn, some old feelings are hard to die off isnt it. how to listen to your mind when your heart wants to take control, and when my mind is filled with nothing but utter rubbish= music.
lee needed you at 22.3.06
-•-
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
for some reasons, i feel very tired nowadays. and i have no idea why. maybe its just an illusion of the mind. because i'm a night person and i dont often get sleepy before midnight.
anyways we all went to eat the dognuts at this dognut shop near our school. its quite like an australian kind-of shop. the dognuts there were really good. i'm going to buy more tomorrow(: eating just makes me happy. or should i say food makes my world spinning around.
and then today in school we saw this bunch of people sitting outside the audition room, at the chairs outside the warm-up room. and then there was a girl practicing inside. it didnt sound that very good, but i cant really comment. and then there was this girl who initially was standing outside the actual audition room and later she walked past us to the the lift, and. she didnt look that happy.
and then if you so happen to flash back to around this time, one year ago. there was this girl too, warming up in another studio scared to her wits and she couldnt seem to play anything at all at that point of time except some scales. and then she walked over to the actual audition room, sit down at the piano and with hands trembling she started to play. halfway through she was asked to stop, and then she thought that is was all gone. finished.
anyway that girl was me. yeah i was really really scared. thinking back now, it was so silly of me. seriously. i think after that i called practically everyone up whinning to them that i was gone. dead. finished.
really really. this kind of memories just stay with you for a long time. this and some other memories.
and i miss my brother. he's in camp anyways and the house just seem so so quiet without him around. like i can hear the echoes as i'm typing now. and i can hear the sounds of the night. i figure out i can never stay abroad, i'll get too homesick.
lee needed you at 21.3.06
-•-
Saturday, March 18, 2006
i'm forcasting i'm going to hate the upcoming weeks. upcoming presentations and portfolios dealines. more wee hours in the middle of the night typing away like mad. lesser sleep, more irritations, more candles to burn the midnight oil and more stress and whatever stuff that comes with it. minus all the fun that i think i'm missing out on. people at home think i'm turning into a future i-dont-know-what by the mess of notes spread acrosss my table, piles of books and the amount of ungodly hours spend typing away. but i really really can't wait for the hoildays to come! and i'm quite proud to say i havent been shopping for a long long long time. but i really enjoyed all the lovely and wonderful dinners this week. i cant imagine what will be happening next week. but what shit, because we only have like less than a month holiday. which means i dont think i can get away anywhere for the holidays. and before you know it, year two is here.
wait. not that i'm doing much work. just that i'm so so far behind i think i'm going to like die big time. and i've got a damn ulcer that never heals. it has been a week already and i have still been talking like a retarded idoit because the ulcers are just right under my tongue. and i still had many teaching engagements to do with this bad tongue of mine. and i just had to go to the pasar malam just that night with a student of mine and indulge in sinful food. sinful because among the food i had, there were 12 otahs. painful ulcers just can't stop me from eating(:
............
people. they come and they go. its just life. sadly.
lee needed you at 18.3.06
-•-
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
i seriously seriously hope nothing goes wrong.
anyway,i'm in love with schubert. he's a womanizer by the way. but he writes really nice stuff. they are just soso lovely. its not even half the week, and yet i feel so drained out. i'm pretty zonked out here myself. i''ve been busting my ass in front of the piano quite a lot this couple of days, and i really hope my efoort will pay off tomorrow. because my teacher has turned into a monster who. chases people out for the lack of practice. (or so-i-heard)
trying is one thing. putting in that little spark is another thing.
and i seriously seriously hope everything is fine. i'm crossing my fingers and getting quite paranoid here (note the quite). i just need someone to ensure me that- things are going to turn out pretty fine.
lee needed you at 15.3.06
-•-
Sunday, March 12, 2006
maybe its time to care. about God, about everything pertaining to that. but isnt it true that when they say that when everything around you is going so smoothly, you feel as if you dont need him anymore?
because right now, i'm at this point. when i dont see God in my life, when i dont think he's part of whatever i'm doing every minute. and i'm at this point, when sunday is just like another day. when sunday minus church is ok. when sunday is equals to work, work and more work.
and if you are trying to put some holy sense shit into my brain, its not- going to work. because i'm trying it myself too. i'll be in front of my computer for the rest of the night though, give me a msg and tell me how church went. (and i bet no one cares).
lee needed you at 12.3.06
-•-
Saturday, March 11, 2006
the only thing i can described of this week was. its a birthday week. i ate goodness how-many cakes (yes pls tell me i'm getting fat), the surprises, dinners, lunches, birthday surprises and everything. dont they say that making othes happy makes youself twice as happy. oh wells, i'm so glad my friends were so happy that their smiles were on their face literally. its nice when people appreciate what you have done for them, drop a little sweet message after that whole day and i smile to myself, because this week was a really nice week(:
i celebrated a total of six's people birthday this week. like wow. anyways, i dont know why but i think my phone clock is so screwed. everyone is like telling me they receive my birthday greetings a little before 12 midnight, when i sent it at 12 midnight on the dot.
the bad side then. analysis test was a killer. bach prelude took me one whole hour to figure it out, and now i still have doubts that it might be all wrong. and i think i just wrote plain rubbsih for the rest of the questions. things that i bang on didnt come out. and the trip(or lesson) to fort canning park just yesterday was so horrible. the weather was so hot i can give anything to be soaking in the pool.
and i'm a music student for goodness sake, not an arts student.
my house phone is like ringing again and again. and that is what got me up. insane la. its a saturday morning which is equals to sleeping morning.'i'm just tempted to write down everything but something holds me back. but if you are deciding to throw advices at me,
forget
it.
i give up. i've become too immense in everything else to bother anymore.
lee needed you at 11.3.06
-•-
Friday, March 03, 2006
now i'm torn between taking a nap or heading for a jog. that what happens when i get home early, which isn't very often though.
i just refuse to blog about school because i think my life has more than that. apparently i hate staying in school, i get off the minute once school ends or i'm done with school.it just gives stress-up kind of feeling, and a little of loneliness. and anyway, the amount of time i spent in school isn't really a lot, taking into account all the stuff that i had skip so far. and dammit, i HAVE to get my ass out of bed on thursday morning if not i'll get a yellow card, or so it was said. anyway, i think i learn more stuff outside school too. so what the hell am i doing in school?
and i think dr. kan is such a pretty, nice lovely lady. i really should thank her, though she probably made me even more confused after today's talk. i really want to grow up just like her. she's so intelligent, inspiring and everything really. she's just one of those whom people got to appreciate more.
i'm learning how to bake a cheesecake too, though attempts at it haven't been quite fruitful. i want to learn how to bake all sort of things, though now its just stuck to cookies and chocolate fudge cakes and mudpies.
and i'm probably be baking a little something for my two besties birthdays next week!
lee needed you at 3.3.06
-•-
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
i have to sneak in this entry.
anyway, i'm really tied up with work. so i'm sorry to people whom i've planned to meet this week or am supposed to. work is like killing me and i still have an idiot matter to solve. and anyways, forget the last entry. inconsisent me.
and i realised accompanying other musicians on the piano can be so much more stressful than playing solo. serious. half the time i was quite stressed up, trying to cover their slips, including this guy who came in at the wrong time. and trying hard to concentrate and listen and doing my best to help them. but i would say it was fun. the practices, lunches and talks that we had. i can never meet such other nice people in my life. the crappy cum gossipy sessions with them. anyway its over, and i can like finally phew a sigh of relief.
and i think i'm quite screwed for the upcoming tests. and two upcoming performances, one in school and one in ex-teacher's concert.
its always nice to meet nice people along the way. nice people who are really nice. i hate hypocrites, liars, whatever you call them. their true self will just show one day. and to tell you the truth, i'm in a totally pissed off mood now i'm memorising definitions. like the various musical forms. ahha.
anyway. its tuesday night at 12 plus i'm posting this. i'm hungey, its supper time.
lee needed you at 1.3.06
-•-
6.3
6.7
8.2
3.5
0.8